The Grounder’s Dictionary 1.2

Let’s face it, the airport is super scary. At least here in Amurica we don’t let our police officers carry submachine guns. *cough* Yet. The next update of the Grounder’s Dictionary is here to protect your mental integrity. Here are more of the terms you need to know, and if you don’t know you need to click here to read the other ones.

Bro-Dude, noun: term coined by Under the Jet Bridge. The person on a flight (duration longer than 2 hours) who pays no attention to any other living being in a twenty-foot vicinity. Smells like Axe body spray or Brut Cool Blue aftershave.

Catchin’ the egg, phrase: used by Ramp Rats (or concrete seamen) used to describe the action of marshaling a plane to stopping position. Uses: “Hey, yo. You gonna catch the egg or me? I caught the last egg straight on the T b—-.” Common replies are “Hey yo, f— you, you dirty b—– t—- smoking t—- twisting poop shovel.” Ramp workers are very inappropriate people.

Gate-Check, noun: a term invented as a dirty-rotten no good dry-heave inducing trick by commercial airlines. It was discovered to create confusion in innocent flying bystanders as to which bags they are required to pay for, and which bag they can sneak onto the plane.

Epaulettes, noun: the tiger stripes on the pilot and crew members shoulders. Numbers reflect the amount of alcoholic beverages the wearer is allowed one hour before flight. Meaning the less stripes, the more work they have to do.

LEO, noun: after 9/11 Law Enforcement Officers wanted to re-brand themselves as a more vicious, secretive group of agents regardless of their credentials. They consulted advertising agencies, stoned copywriters and various pentagrams. Eventually their leaders noted the average amount of birthdays between July 23 and August 22 in their officers, which was the exact same distribution as every other astrological sign. They decided lions are cooler than twins and bulls and now call themselves LEOs.

Overhead Bin, noun: future term for ‘emotional baggage.’ Shrinks are now sitting patients down and asking “what are you stuffing into your overhead bin today?” to which they reply, “doc my overhead bin is overflowing as if Carry-ons were still free.”

Gate-Agent, noun: individuals without the upper body strength to preform the daily duties of the ramp AND/OR who have demonstrated better, less offensive people skills than ramp agents.

Counter Agent, noun: an individual without the upper body strength to preform the daily duties of the ramp AND without the demonstrated people skills of ramp agents. These individuals typically build up a hight tolerance of TSA agents and can interact with them in what would be fatal amounts for ‘normal’ individuals.

 

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